After deciding to devote the next few years of my life to writing, I have recently come to some very upsetting conclusions. It seems as though I didn’t quite understand the job hazards:
- Writing is a complete mind f*ck.
I have found that writing a blog and a book will bring you more than you ever wished for of this kind of action. It isn’t a job where you go to work and you come home and you’re done for the day. You’re always on the clock on the lookout for the right words, perpetually weighing the worthiness of sentences composed in mid-air. It isn’t unusual to wake up in the middle of the night to scribble on whatever paper you can find before you forget. It isn’t the getting something down initially; it’s the polishing I’m not so good at yet.
I don’t own silverware that can’t go in the dishwasher or have anything that would require any polishing. Continue reading “Growing Pains”
Who wants to die?
I wonder if everyone feels like this. It must be normal, right?
I tell myself that like George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life, all of us have been hopeless enough to consider jumping off a bridge. I convince myself it must be a given part of life to contemplate being out of one’s misery. I ruminate on all these things but don’t know if they’re really true. Isn’t it that we all have wondered if life might not be worth all the trouble? And isn’t it that we all start to ask such questions when we grow up and reach the ripe old age of 10?
I ask myself these things in my depressed and prepubescent state not prepared to know the answers.
Continue reading “Death, Depression and Other Capital D Words”
I came out of my hole to see the things that hurt me in the light of day.
I was frightened of my shadow and went back inside to hide.
I’ve been here for so long now, it must be that winter has come and gone away.
Punxsutawney Phil came out of his burrow and saw his shadow today. The forecast is 6 more weeks of winter.
. . .
Vicodin, Percocet, Oxycodone.
Pick your poison. There are plenty of top shelf pills for the pain. Just make sure to follow the instructions lest you cause yourself liver failure, or worse, stop breathing and die:
Take one to two tablets every 4-6 hours as needed for pain.
Do not operate heavy machinery. May cause drowsiness (and nausea, epic constipation, anorexia, withdrawal that will make you think you are Leo DiCaprio in The Basketball Diaries, and deep dark soul sucking depression that might explain why people ruin their lives over these pills being doled out like candy).
Do not drink alcohol while taking this medication.
Pick a shelf, pick a drug, my medicine cabinet was full of whatever you could possibly want because there was nothing I wanted less than to take opiate narcotics. I had seen the true meaning of the word painkillers. I had seen them kill more than the pain. Continue reading “Groundhog Day”